My friend, Justin, put me in touch with some guys that worked out a living arrangement for me. I was grateful for that roof and a space of my own. I spent many, many hours in that room contemplating life and trying to orchestrate my next step. Truth be told, though I was grateful for the housing, it was a pit. Everything was dirty or broken. There already was a dog and a cat in residence there and the other roommates included someone who was bi-polar, a schizophrenic, someone with lymphoma, and someone with a severe and unabashed god-complex and OCD. Several times I was picking up the other animals poop in the living room or the trash they had knocked over in the kitchen to rummage through for sustenance. The bathroom was a nightmare and eventually I was able to get the things I needed to clean the shower and hang a new shower curtain. If I recall correctly, it took two weeks before the drain in the bathroom sink worked again once it backed up; and that was no thanks to the landlord, either.
I got pretty good at using public transportation, as that is how I got around town and eventually to the interview at the financial institution whose marketing department I now work in. It was affordable and, for the most part got me to where I needed to go when I needed to go there. The bus also took me to the Jack in the Box one day when I was so completely frustrated and weary of the way my life was playing out… or maybe not playing out at all.
Ah, Jack in the Box. It was a very warm day in April or May. I had been applying for work everywhere I could; sandwich builder, bank teller, myriad stocking and warehouse positions. I couldn't get a callback if I paid them. The only money I ever had went towards eating on the cheap and monthly bus passes; my ex will never understand this time in my life as she was handed a job by her father and continued in her self-actualized ‘charmed’ life. I was emotionally and mentally spent. Tired of living in “the Pit,” was sweating all day long, walked or rode the bus everywhere I went, had such low self-esteem from everything I was going through over the last year and a half including not having a job… I rode a ventilated bus to an air-conditioned Jack in the Box and counted change to buy those famous tacos. As I waited for my order, I took out a pen and notebook and began to put thoughts to paper and try and understand why God had me here. It forced me to come to the end of myself and surrender myself to God.
God, if this is where you want me to be, I will be here and learn to be content.
"If you want me to be content sleeping most of every day, I can do that. If you want me to travel the town on the bus to spend the hot hours of the day in a Target or Barnes & Noble, I will submit. I can use the time to continue to work on "Brian."
Wouldn't you know that was the thing that really got things going for me. A simple, but sincere, surrender to the Orchestrator. An acceptance of where I was and the realization that I could be content and wait for His next step for me. Through the neighbor of my best friend, I found an open position in the marketing department of a credit union. This neighbor also offered me the chance to live with him for an affordable rental amount if I got the job. I was content to be where I was, but excited and truly grateful for where I might be going.
I did get the job. I moved out of “the Pit” and into a clean and air-conditioned home next door to my best friend. I have watched how neighbors can really be more than geographical friends but can actually be a part of each others' lives. Felicity is still with me and loves where we are. I have been blessed enough to buy a car, too. Every day, I am grateful. I have rough days, I get frustrated. But when you cut right down to it, I am glad to be where I am and fully appreciate it. God has been with me and has much more for me. But I am amazed at what the last year has brought me through and brought me to and look forward to 2011 as well. God is good : all the time.
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