The Moment I Realized I Was a Single Dad

Back in 2008, after my then wife left home, I found myself running the kids to church events, school events, etc., etc. One evening, I took my son to a youth group function at church. While he was there, I drove across the street to a Chik-fil-A to have a little something to eat and wait for his event to end. All of a sudden, it hit me that I was alone. No one sat with me, there was no one to talk to. I looked up and saw two other dads there with their kids, alone. I had no way to know whether they were single parents or not, but I imagined they were. And there I was visualizing my future with my own kids. Doing my level best, feeling a little set apart from acceptable society, having chicken sandwiches with my loving children. It was definitely not the life I had imagined or ever could have dreamt. But it was what it was.

Emotions rolled over me and I drifted helpless in them for several moments. As I learned through the entire experience of separation and divorce, you will never know until you experience it. And here I was, experiencing my first moments of single-dadness. I want the absolute best for my kids and I knew that I could now no longer offer that to them with a broken marriage. Now I would leap from experience to experience with them in the times that I had them, wondering how to impact them in positive ways and realize that I would always be self-conscious in public places as I wondered what others would think of my fathering.

My heart went out to all the fathers currently doing this and the ones I would meet who would start going through this. I was in the club now and since men are typically looked at more negatively in broken marriages, we have to support each other, even in a passing, all-knowing nod. It feels like we need t-shirts that say "Dear Happy Family: Mind your own damn business!" The truth is for everyone in whatever situation they are in, sometimes you just can't do a lot about it. Making the best of it is still a heartbreaking occurrence.

What we need, and where I can agree with many lefty hippies, is exceeding compassion for others. An eye to try to see someone's heart rather than their appearance or performance. Let's try to see someone else's story, how it might start with something other than, "give me a break." We are a world of broken people and nobody has it all together. To think anything different is a lie and a betrayal of humanity, of humankind.

I challenge you, today, give someone the benefit of a second look. You may see that the woman holding a cardboard sign asking for money in the parking lot of a Walmart is not just panhandling, but, as her sign reads, she needs help meeting rent this month so she and her 3 kids have a place to stay for 30 more days and her sign is actually staying accountable as she keeps changing the amount she needs on the sign each day after she counts what others are giving.

2010 in Reflection

Wow! I'm laying in bed on a winter's night reflecting over the last year. It was only like 12 days and one year ago that I rolled into West Richland, WA in a rented moving truck on fumes. I reduced my belongings to what fit in the truck… some things I just had to leave for grabs by my then neighbors. Like the cool red anodized microwave that worked perfectly. I had no idea where I would be living or what I would do to make money, or even if this was a good idea.

How I'm doing

Well, it's been quite a long time since I have blogged. Many things have happened. In June I was hired by a local credit union to work in their marketing department as a Marketing Project Lead. My initial reaction was, “Oh, crap! Now I need clothes.” Since it was around my birthday, I used birthday money to buy some pants and shirts. I feel very comfortable working in this position. It's more or less where I would have been if I had kept working and not run my own business. My boss is great. I work with talented people. And I get paid and have benefits.

From Autism Speaks Blog - “I Am Michael”

This post appeared on the Autism Speaks Official Blog today. Very important reading.

This weekend, we received the following e-mail (and accompanying poem) from Gary Herrmann, a member of our community who is the father of a nine-year-old named Michael, who has Asperger Syndrome.

Like a lot of kids with Asperger Syndrome, my son has difficulty in social settings. He has one good friend. At the time he wrote this poem, both families had been very busy for a couple months, and he hadn’t been able to see his friend Billy very often. That, combined with some of the difficulties he had been experiencing in school lately, probably contributed to the feelings he expresses in the poem below.

The assignment was to type the poem. He was given some direction as to how each line should begin and word to use in each.

I was overwhelmed by the poignancy expressed in his poem. As you will see, my son’s name is Michael, and he has a heart the size of our planet … Maybe my son’s poem will strike a chord with parents and families and remind them that even if they have difficulty expressing them, our children experience all of the same emotions we do.

I        am    Michael.

I     wonder    if    I   am   human?

I   hear  ringing    all  the    time.

I   see    molecules ……I   think.

I    want    more   friends .

I   am    lonely.

I   pretend      I   have    more       friends  .

I feel       left  out.

I  have   the   record   of        the             least     friends    in    the     school .

I     worry    if  I   have   no   purpose.

I say  jokes  to   be   funny.

I  hope   people   now   understand.

I   am  Michael.

Sensory Sensitivity and How It Can Push an Aspie to the Limit.

In my last post, I talked a little about the affect sensory sensitivity can have on someone, myself, with Asperger’s Syndrome. This is very common to anyone with an autism spectrum disorder, and it can manifest itself in differing ways and intensity. Noise, light, fabric, food texture, smell… this can be so overwhelming to someone with an ASD that they may feel the need to remove their skin, end their day, close their eyes tight… something to overcome and/or deal with their overload.

This sensory sensitivities affect me in many different ways. For instance, sound is not a major issue for me except as it becomes a distraction. I have a sound machine that I use to go to sleep with sometimes. The water sounds (beach, rain, river) are very soothing to me and I have found to many other Aspies as well. However, specifically on a sound machine, which uses a looped soundbite to perpetuate the illusion of a continuously active and live experience, I find myself too occupied searching for and recognizing the loop. This backfires as a way to get to sleep because it keeps my mind too active to relax. Light is also not a big issue for me, typically, as long as I am wearing sunglasses. What I'd like to talk specifically about, so it is possible for the reader to better grasp how sensory sensitivity can affect an Aspie, is an issue which took place long ago with me regarding smell and touch.

The Unique Ability for Aspies to Lose Themselves

On Friday, April 9, 2010, Nadia Bloom went missing from her home in Florida. Her parents found her bicycle neatly parked a half mile from home.

Nadia is diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, a mild form of autism. It is common for people with autism to wander and subsequently, sometimes, go missing. This problem becomes more dangerous with those who have trouble communicating. I have also heard that people with autism are attracted to bodies of water, making drowning a leading cause of death.